If Only I’d have Known
I will never forget the meeting we had at my son’s school. Year 6, the year before going to high school. We were in a room with his Psychologist, who’d he had been seeing for a few months to help him with his emotions. Also, in the room was his teacher and the Principle. They had a behaviour plan in place. My son sat, head down, sad and angry without knowing why.
We heard,
” He just isn’t trying hard enough”
” He is lazy and uncooperative”
” He can’t go on school rewards if he doesn’t finish his work”
” We sit him by himself and he has to stay in at lunch and recess if he doesn’t behave”
I interject, ” but how can he learn if he is sat outside the Principal’s office or doesn’t get time to enjoy lunch and recess time?” They shook their heads disapprovingly and looked at my son.
“Well. That depends if he can improve his behaviour, won’t it (my son)?” they ask him. He shrugs.
The psychologist is trying hard to explain his behaviour is a result of something but isn’t sure what. My son hated himself so much. He thought about what life might be like it he wasn’t here anymore. He said to me that maybe my life would be better if he wasn’t in my life anymore, then I wouldn’t be sad and mad all the time. Both my son and I were on the verge of tears at this meeting.
For me it was wondering how I had raised my son to act this way? What had I done wrong? Why is he hating school so much? what can I do?”
They school had points for good behaviour and took away points for bad. My son had spent ages “trying hard” and lost points due to him being messy, not finishing and then being angry about it. So, he wasn’t allowed to go on an educational school excursion that he had been looking forward to.
“WHATS THE POINT OF ANYTHING??” he screamed and ran off.
I begged the school to allow him to go. It was educational after all. They said the rules are the same for everyone. Everyone gets treated the same. And then it hit me!
He was in a system that treated everyone the same instead of catering to everyone’s own individual needs. I took him out of the school but was lost.
I thought I would get him tutoring to catch up. That would fix it. He was assessed, and I was told he was dyslexic. I was told he was at year 4 level (if that) and he was supposed to go on to high school next year?? I was flooded with this new information and then I broke down when it all finally made sense!!!
All his school life he was ok, a little behind but nothing too bad. He had a great memory. So, he could memorise the spelling test words I rammed into him that morning and get 9/10…but the next week those same words he had forgotten! I thought this was deliberate. He was messy. He would get overwhelmed at too many instructions at once. He could remember things with pictures or visually interesting, but rows of words and text and he was lost.
The guilt I had for all the times I yelled at him to do it again, neater, try harder all the things the teachers told him….no wonder my sweet little boy became a withdrawn, angry, unhappy child! And my son finding out he was dyslexic was soooo important!
It wasn’t him being stupid or lazy! It was just a difference to how his brain worked! He could learn the same things but in a different way. Sure, it took him longer to do things, but why is it a race to learn? His spelling was awful due to the way he was taught and had nothing to do with his intelligence!
The place that diagnosed him saved our whole family from destruction, as that was how bad it had gotten. He attended for only 3 months and learnt his timetables! He came home, with happy tears he said ” Mum! I CAN learn!”.
This broke my heart. But by now, my son was almost a teen.
He had years of self-esteem issues, seclusion, confusion and a dislike for school and his teachers. Not one stopped to think about WHY he was the way he was…
Now he is not in a mainstream school. He is in an independent school for a whole bunch of kids that dropped through the cracks, So many late or undiagnosed kids with dyslexia. So many kids punished for their behaviour and it wasn’t their fault!
If only I had known.
If only he had known.
If only he was tested in year 1 and he could have stayed mainstream with accommodations.
I wonder how my little boy would have grown up: Different? Happier? if only…
I HAD KNOWN.